Step 1 TIME FOR HEART

We don’t understand what has kept us from being able to acknowledge the truth. We’ve known something wasn’t right, but we questioned if digging up the past would make things easier or better. It can feel hard to admit to ourselves that we haven’t been able to fix our situation, and that there actually is something wrong. This process isn’t about the negatives, it’s about changing our focus by tuning into a clearer connection with our heart. This connection will reveal a natural way of processing negatives so we don’t become them.

Some of us may be ready to get right to the truth, and some of us may need to uncover it more slowly. Each of us has our burdens, our fears, our demons… and each of us carries experiences that have shaped how we view ourselves and life. When we end up at the steps, we are looking for answers. Answers that can help us feel better about ourselves... Answers that can shine a light on that mysterious something that has kept us from seeing the truth all along. The same truth that makes our heart matter.

When we take the time to get to know ourselves, we can understand what has kept us from our heart. When we are able to bring this into focus, we are able to let it go. This will give us the room needed to create the change our heart desires. This is when we discover our greatest self.

Step 2 OPENING HEART

Many of us live in constant fear of loosing control, and feel comforted by knowing what to expect. This is why we want things to stay the same, because if things begin to shift, we feel our loss of control. We are afraid of not knowing what to expect if something in our life changes. Control has kept us from hearing our heart. Our heart has been telling us the truth all along. We have closed ourselves off from our hearts, so we don’t have to hear our truth. 

Feeling the need to control keeps us from knowing ourselves. Nothing outside of ourselves can define who we are. Opening our heart to the idea that love can begin with ourselves is a way to begin to let go of what we never had control of in the first place. We’ve been perceiving things backwards. We thought that if we fixed the outside the inside would get better, but we need to begin with ourselves to find our way back to our heart. We don’t need to look far to find a connection to something greater. This beauty can come from within.

Step 3 CONNECTING WITH HEART

We are open to teachers, masters, gurus, priests, parents, artists, and role models, because we respect their ability to discern right from wrong. We respect their judgment, and do not close our minds when they tell us what they know... we listen. When we listen to them, we are shown a way of solving a problem that we hadn’t been able to see before. They show us the way. Making a realized connection with life and our self, happens in the same way. By opening our minds to the guidance from our hearts, we realize a new way to see life. 

Our minds can over flow with other’s opinions about what we should do, and how we should feel. When we stop worrying about everyone else, we begin relaxing into ourselves more. The more we settle into ourselves, the more we can quiet our mind. This mental peace gives our heart room to speak. Our feelings are the language of our heart, and if we can become clear on what our feelings are saying, we will always know what to do. This fulfilling inner guidance will replace our need to control. This intuitive knowing is our heart and mind working together. We have just discovered the most valuable tool to finding our way through life, our heart compass.

Step 4 HEARTBREAKS

At one point we knew our worth. We knew that we were someone. We knew that we mattered. For many, this was when we were kids. Early on, life still feels magical, possibilities still feel endless. Our hearts are full...of wonder, trust, and curiosity. We still feel free. We feel a love for dreams. Discovering that the world is not what we dreamed, happens when we experience our worst disappointments. 

Dreams come straight from our heart. They are the suggestions we are supposed to follow in order to find fulfillment. Each time family, friends, teachers, money, our appearances, natural abilities and other experiences prevent us from acting on our dreams, our heart breaks. Negative influences are like toxins that build up a wall between our mind, and our heart. Every time someone or something hurts us, we let go of our heart, and start holding on to the pain, the same pain that enabled our needs, and our fears. 

With this step we are writing down our every heartbreak. This is the path we took to end up where we are today, and bringing it to the surface will begin to redirect our energy. This action, as difficult as it is, is confirmation to our heart, that we are fighting for ourselves to feel good. Taking a stand now will prove to ourselves that we care about our self... that we matter, our feelings matter, our heart matters. Not because anything outside of our self says it does or doesn’t, but because we say so. When we find our inner balance using the center of our heart, no outer experience can make us waver or fall into a negative, chaotic place.

Step 5 VOICING HEART

Confession is a long time practice in many religions. Understanding that the voice of our heart is the burdens of our soul can bring clarity to the importance of acknowledging our pain and the darkness from which our pain comes from and now is in. When we express it, we are taking it out of the dark and bringing it into the light where we are able to see it better and the more we can see it, the less afraid we are of what it can mean. Leaving something in the dark, or hiding it away gives it too much room to be anything. When we turn the lights on by expressing our awareness of our pain, it can’t determine how we feel about it anymore.

No longer can our heartbreaks control us. We are free to view ourselves in another way. We have changed our monsters into just shadowed chairs with clothes on them, and they don’t look as intimidating as they did before. Our thoughts aren’t as preoccupied by them. We aren’t as worried about what will happen. We can see and feel how we will be all right no matter what happens. We are devaluing our negative past by voicing our heartbreaks. This acknowledgment has become our greatest self-healer because we are able to let go of the dark so the light can shine within.

Step 6 FREEING OUR HEART

Being willing to let go of our pain frees our self from our negative past. When we bring to the surface what has caused us pain, we begin to see the relationship between our disappointments, our needs, and our choices. By speaking the truth about what we have been through, we give attention to our heartbreaks. Each disappointment and pain expressed removes a thorn from our heart, so now the wounds can begin to heal. This acknowledgment refines our needs. The more we heal, the less we need things outside of ourselves to feel better about who we are. When we change our needs, we change our choices. We stop expecting our current situation to make up for what has hurt us in the past. If home is where the heart is, we just cleaned house. This cleaning allows us to move back into our heart, our home, our center, so we can begin taking a closer look at ourselves.

Our past is responsible for much of who we are, but it does not determine who we become. We are beginning to clearly see the difference between who we are, and what happens around us. Even though bad things do happen, these things do not have to keep us from knowing our worth. Our connection with our heart is growing stronger. The alignment with our heart feels better than our needs. After we acknowledge our past and let it go, we are able to sit with ourselves and find out who we are. This feels better than anything we’ve ever experienced outside of ourselves. We have found a way to accept ourselves, and this changes the course of our lives. Instead of behaving impulsively from unresolved disappointments, and heartbroken expectations, we are able to process our experiences from a calm place.

Step 7 HEART CONFIDENCE

We are moving away from our negative perceptions and creating a new self. This new self finds confidence from listening to the heart. In step three we acknowledged that developing a more realized connection with our heart would helps us find our way. Now in step seven, we solidify this connection even more by humbly asking our heart to reveal our shortcomings. Our hands are not clean. We have played a part in all of this, and because in step four and five we were able to let go of what we have gone through with others, we are now ready to acknowledge our own part in all our experience with others.

Our heart is our connection to a more developed perception of Life. Our heart is our being, and if we can move from our imperfect self into this being, our shortcomings will melt away. We have to find within ourselves an honest place of humility so we can embrace our mistakes without our egos stopping us. There we discover the reason we have been acting on our shortcomings. Once we acknowledge this, we instantly feel how we can make things better. Love is what sustains life. If we can bring our shortcomings into the light, they will no longer be able to influence us away from love. Our humility will lead us to a new source of confidence. By humbling the side of our self that is always defensive, we change our position in life, and become more rooted in heart.

Step 8 WILLING HEART

Willingness comes from the understanding of how to let go of our shortcomings. When we let go, our heart comes in to focus. This clarity gives us the strength to make amends without expectations. 

Our shortcomings no longer serve the same purpose. They have transformed from being who we are, into being what we learned from, to change our ability to choose what we want for ourselves. This is what made our blind faith into seeing the potential of our self when we are connected to our heart. This connection is the very strength we need in order to come from a loving place when we acknowledge our shortcomings to those we have harmed. This amends is a declaration to our greatest asset, our heart. Understanding our past has changed our future, and change begins with taking different actions. In this case, the action is our amends.

Step 9 HEARTFELT APOLOGIES

By making amends, we are following through with our inner acknowledgment of our destructive behaviors. We are taking our inner work and applying it to our relationships with people, life and self. These amends are making our understanding tangible. We are confirming our change by taking actions that prove we understand the work we’ve been doing. Our growth is evident.

This is closure to the disruptions we might have caused others. When we bring closure by acknowledging to others our awareness of our past actions, we can close the chapter to the way we used to be. Even if those we make amends with are not in a place where they can accept or trust that we have changed, we are doing our part. These amends are giving us a second chance to choose who we want to be. Cleaning up after ourselves is owning our part in our past relationships. By caring about others, we are relieving the guilt, shame, and fear that our heart has carried.

Forgiveness of self, of others, and making amends with those we might have harmed is one more step towards freeing ourselves to feel good about who we are. We are more connected to our heart than we have ever been, and this feels good.

Step 10 HEART ON STRAIGHT

The steps have revealed to us another way to process life as it throws curve balls at us. We have cleansed our hearts, and because of that, our minds are clearer. This process can be used to manage our lives in a healthy, non-controlling way. We see that the only thing we truly have control over is how we re-act to our experiences. 

There will be days we actively remember these steps, and there will be days we have to return to something we have forgotten and exercise and strengthen it. We are constantly evolving, and because we are now more aware of ourselves, we can make choices that keep us centered. When things become out of control around us, we simply take a moment to quiet ourselves, and re-connect with our heart self. 

Life is filled with infinite possibilities and if we live from a place of awareness, we can maintain balance no matter how imbalanced our surroundings become. Maintaining our awareness of self by remaining humble and connected to our heart will allow us to live honestly. When we have our heart on straight, we are seeing life with our heart and living a spiritually nourished life.

Step 11 HEART SESSION

Our journey through the steps has been a great effort on our part, and now that we have cleansed ourselves, it is important to maintain this place of mindfulness. Making a constant effort to take time for our self, to be quiet in prayer or mediation keeps our spirituality and faith in shape. Time is constantly trying to break things down, and we have to work to keep our body, our minds, and our emotions healthy. By practicing prayer and meditation we keep our connection to our heart self strong.

These heart sessions will keep the things that matter and the things that don’t matter in perspective. Many find this time valuable as it allows problem solving solutions and ideas to surface, that can be hard to think of when we are in the middle of living our lives. This break from being engaged directly with life becomes our reality check, and keeps us moving with the current of heart, love and happiness.

Step 12 HEART TO HEART

We are stronger than we were before. We are more aware, and we are more in tune with our heart. Now when we cross paths with other individuals who may be looking for answers as we once were, we can use our heart to possibly inspire their own journey through the 12 step process. 

Being able to listen to our heart is a gift. This connection is our guidance that will continue to be there for us as long as we live honestly, and humbly. Life is built on connections that care enough to hold things together. Our journey has given us the understanding of self, and because we have gained so much, we are now more able to give. 

The more we share our heart with others, the more the world becomes a better place. This last and final step is not the end of our journey, but only the beginning. There will still be challenging times and disappointments, but now we know how to make it through. We know our selves enough to find strength in the midst of unmanageability. We know how and when to simply let things go. This process has shown us the way back to our heart, and now we can pay it forward by sharing our hearts with all of Life.